This dark space of time...

I spent today at the hospital. I got a call this morning at 4:30 that my 94 year old grandfather was going to die today. I wanted to be there to see him off and to support my mommy and grandmommy. We are a pretty close family, and my grandfather is arguably one of the best people that has ever lived...a veteran of the Battle of the Pacific in World War II, a father of five, and the last surviving member of his family. We were all there (at least everyone who was in the state/country) to support each other. We cried together, and we sang to Grandpa. We sang to him the songs that he had sung to us throughout the years. We sang "Danny Boy" and I could not finish the chorus. I finally had to leave at around 3:30 this afternoon, starving and absolutely exhausted by the vigil. My grandfather is not only a wonderful man, he is as tough as nails and he has been holding on with impossible vital signs since about 2 a.m. Only Jesus knows when his body will finally give up, but it is almost assuredly going to be tonight.

This was my day. And I prayed a lot today. I prayed for my little grandmother, who will face the world tomorrow without her husband of the last 63 years. I prayed for my grandfather and the business that he is undoubtedly still doing with God as he lay on that bed struggling for every breath. I prayed that he would not have to stay a minute longer than he had to, but that he would not go even one moment too soon! I prayed for my aunts and my uncle who are losing their daddy today. I was talking like this to Jesus when it really occurred to me that I would be living on a planet without him. I cried out to God and He heard my cry and answered me!

It was not a voice that I heard..nothing like that. It was much more like having something that I had thought I understood finally make its way from my head to my heart. That this life, this dark space of time that we call "life" anyway, is the only space that will be without grandpa. Only those of us left here waiting in the half-darkness will be without him, and only for a short time. Grandpa will not be gone, he will finally be in the Light, where the Light of Life is fully revealed and is not obscured by the consequence that our sin has brought to this creation. Grandpa will be what he was always intended to be...whole and free, glorious beyond the glimpses of his greatness that we saw while he lived here with us! We will be here without him. We will not have him with us for father's day or Christmas. We will not see his sweet face or hear his voice again...at least not for now. But, when the darkness is cast away, or when we are called out of it into the light of God's presence, we will not miss him anymore and we will finally see all this rightly!

I am sad and exhausted, and I still don't really want to believe that when I wake tomorrow, my grandpa will probably not be here. But this hope I have, that God is good; that He is up to something wonderful; that He will not forget the work He began in me or my grandfather. He will see us safely to the finish line. So, tomorrow will be a time for mourning, and I will mourn. But there is a time for every purpose under heaven...as there is a time for mourning, so will be a time for rejoicing!

Bye, bye Grandpa...I love you, I miss you already, but I will see you after!